Thursday, April 8, 2010

Dopey soapy ruckus.

Posted by Komal RK at 12:35 AM
A piece of news that was being followed religiously, much more than the incomprehensibly twisted daily-soaps, much more than the serious issue of the Indians facing a death sentence in the Middle East, a real life pukka Bollywood style story that managed to retain the top spot and hold the undying interest of a billion people even when over 70 members of the Central Reserve Police Force were massacred by the Maoists in Chhatisgarh and more importantly shifting the entire country’s focus from the ongoing IPL to this highly entertaining affair, please note that  stealing IPL’s thunder is no joke! What was everyone hooked onto the last couple of days was not a human greatness-earth saving- discovery, nor any breakthrough in hunting down aliens (like living beings on earth weren’t enough), no it wasn’t anything to do with Daulat-ki-beti Mayawati either!  A simple issue of marriage, yup just that. The blunders of youth, rash decisions, making statements, contradicting them, contradicting the contradictions earlier made, sheer stupidity, constant obstinate denials et all. Such drama!! Lord have mercy!

So Shoiab Malik decided to get married and then denied ever doing such a thing, addressing his wife as ‘elder-sister’ once, ‘aunt’ another time, all for his LOVE Sania Mirza to whom he is scheduled to get married this 15th.  If the wife Ayesha Siddiqui is to be believed he wanted to do away with her because of her weight. Hmmm as silly as it may sound it is plausible, totally believable. This followed by a very foolish thing to do was Mr.Mindless Malik denying the fact completely. And thence started the accusations and allegations from both the sides, “he married my daughter” , “this is a cheap publicity stunt”, “he’s a liar, I have all evidences”, “Sania will be my first wife”, “I have been cheated”, “I have been cheated”, both claiming they are the victims.

Drama at its best! The bride to be appearing on her balcony along with the tainted groom to be, the atmosphere appearing tense.  As the nation waited impatiently for any further development, people even betting on the outcome, the very evening you see all across the news channels  both Mindless Malik and Stupefied Sania waltzing (I think that was what they were trying to do in any case) romantically in her house, ‘preparing for the wedding’. What a disappointment to all those who seemed to have a dislike for the Paki they thought was undeserving of a wife as Sania (NO COMMENTS! REALLY!).

What followed was evident, a case was filed against Mindless Malik by the Siddiquis, one of the sections (498A) being a non-bailable offence. T-R-O-U-B-L-E!!!!! Passport seized! Paki govt. coming into the picture pledging their support to their citizen (why a nation has to interfere with a marital issue is beyond me, also that he was the same citizen who was snubbed by the country is a thing of the past apparently). Now Mindless Malik claims he did marry a girl (thank heavens he admits it was a GIRL) but not the one who is claiming to be his wife. Another twist! She isn’t the girl whose pictures were sent to him and he got married over the phone!! This just keeps getting more entertaining or what!! And so in reply to this, the Siddiquis produce pictures of the “WIFE” and Malik together. Yada yada blaah blaah and more BLAAH! Phew…  With the high profile wedding of an Indian tennis sensation (????), with all the efforts of denial hitting back making Malik sort of a dartboard, with legal difficulties and a probable visit to the Indian Jail which didn’t seem to be a good place to go for one’s honeymoon, Mindless Malik has done the first ever sensible thing. Admit every allegation made, and sign the divorce papers, something that was all the Siddiqui’s were asking in the first place.

What were you thinking all this while Moronic Malik???!!!! That they wanted you to be sent to a one man expedition to the Bermuda Triangle???

And so the case is withdrawn, the wedding is to take place as per schedule.

What a shocker to all those who have been hoping to get so much more from this highly enthralling drama. Really??? We don’t get to see the full-on aggressive Sania with a slightly deranged look about her declaring her undying love and support to the guy she has stood by amidst all his lies? Don’t we get to see Ayesha whacking Malik on the face (using her full power to do so mind you!) and hurling at him the foulest, filthiest abuses ever? Don’t we get to see Malik struggling to form a simple sentence and take eons to try making it intelligible?

Well turns out we don’t. If the sneaking rat had solved the issue with a little more maturity and sensibility this would have never come about and he still could’ve faced the masses with some traces of dignity. But apparently he needed a baap of all controversies, allegations, accusations, evidences, and a fiancĂ© better articulate than him (not considering the fake accent), a legal suit , an inviting jail cell, and constant media glare and a gazillion hate mails, all this and much more to come to his senses.

So now the country can go back to its normal routine. Wives back to their daily soaps, everyone else back to cribbing about the Summer heat, bookies concentrating on IPL et all, you get the picture.




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